Is Divorce Always Bad For Kids?

Here's some encouraging news about the effect of divorce on children. According to a new study out of Montclair State University, staying together just for the sake of the kids might, in some cases, actually do them more harm than good. Researchers interviewed children of divorce when they were young and then again more recently, after they became adults.

One interesting result of the study is that children who grew up in families with a lot of fighting and conflict fared better if their parents divorced.

Doesn't this result make sense? In other words, doesn't it seem more likely that kids who are exposed to fighting longer will suffer more in future relationships than kids whose parents ended the fighting more quickly with a divorce?

Look, I realize that every situation is different. Also, even though I am an Augusta, Georgia divorce lawyer, please don't mis-interpret this post as a promotion for more legal business! Trust me, there are plenty of divorce cases out there already!

But isn't it good that this study at least offers some encouraging news for parents who feel the need to seek help from a divorce attorney? What do you think?

Divorce, Child Custody, and "Bad Mouthing" Your Spouse In Front of the Children

Divorces are often emotional, traumatic experiences for adults. And divorces can be particularly traumatic for children of divorce. If you are going through a divorce, what can you do to make it easier for your children?
Child psychologists and other experts have written extensively about this topic and offered many solutions about how to make your divorce less traumatic for your children. But in this post, I simply want to focus on one good idea: Do not disparage, or "bad mouth," your spouse in front of the kids!
As divorce lawyers in Augusta, Georgia, we generally recommend to all divorce parties to include such language in every settlement agreement or parenting plan. We simply want to encourage everyone, (including your worthless spouse, "Sluggo"), to agree not to talk badly about their ex-spouse in front of the kids.
Isn't this a good idea? Is it so hard to follow, for your kids' sake?

Divorce "Tip of the Day:" Who Gets To Claim the Children as Dependents?

Did you realize that there are other issues involving children, in a divorce, besides child custody, child visitation, and child support, which you need to discuss with your divorce attorney?

The tip for today involves who gets to claim the kids as dependents. In other words, while you are planning your divorce from your worthless spouse, "Sluggo," you might want to consider who should get to claim your children as dependents on your income tax returns. Now, this is not a tax advice blog and you should, of course, consult with your attorney and/or accountant before doing anything. Also, generally, the party who has primary physical custody and provides most of the support for the children will likely be entitled to claim the kids. But here are at least a few ideas for you to consider when negotiating a settlement agreement with Sluggo over who gets to claim the kids on their tax returns. In other words, this is often a negotiable matter.

As divorce lawyers, we have seen some clients elect, in the settlement agreement, to take all the kids as their own dependents. Others, when there are two or more children, may negotiate to let each party take at least one child as a dependent. (It would be to your advantage to take the youngest child as your dependent, so you will get to take the deduction/exemption longer).

Finally, one other idea for you to consider, in cases in which one party makes significantly more money than the other party, is for the party making the most money to get all the dependants, but provided you both agree in the settlement agreement to split the amount realized.

So, you see, this is another topic involving children, which you might not have thought of, and which you need to discuss with your divorce attorney!

Children of Divorce -- What Can Parents Do To Help?

Divorces are difficult on everyone involved. No doubt, we have all heard terrible stories about the negative emotional impact of a divorce on the parties’ children. But I believe it is also important to point out that, as many counselors appear to agree, the majority of children of divorce do not develop serious behavioral problems. In other words, children of divorce are generally resilient and can manage to deal with it, to some extent. But there still will be problems. However, don’t you agree that the parents should at least try to ameliorate the problems for their children? What can parents going through a divorce do to help their kids? Here are a few ideas:

I’m sure we will all agree that parents should talk openly with their kids, as age and circumstances permit, and let their children know they are loved;

Perhaps the parents should also consider talking with the kid’s teachers about the situation;

Parents may find family or individual counseling may also be necessary or helpful;

Parents can also learn more about the issue, including by reading books like the one above; and

Don’t you also agree that parents going through a divorce should avoid “bad mouthing” the other parent in front of the kids?

Have you dealt with this issue about children of divorce? Do any of you “out there” have any other ideas or suggestions for parents going through a divorce? And is it generally better, in your opinion, for parents to put their kids through an emotionally draining divorce rather than through a bad, emotionally-draining marriage? What do you think? And what are your ideas to help children of divorce?