Divorce "Tip of the Day:" Kill 'Em With Kindness!

What should you do if you want to have an uncontested divorce, but your angry, incorrigible spouse, "Sluggo," keeps "pushing your buttons" with insult after insult?

The simple answer is.....Kill him with kindness, that is, at least until the ink of his signature on your divorce settlement agreement is dry!

Generally, the only way you can get an uncontested divorce in Georgia is if both parties will cooperate and sign all the divorce documents. So, if you give in to a "hissy fit" and trade insults with Sluggo, then it may become impossible to get him to sign anything! Yet, in many cases, getting an uncontested divorce is to your advantage: An uncontested divorce will save you (both) a lot of time, hassle, and money.

So, at least for now, please don't argue; instead, just smile, bite your tongue, breathe deeply, and hand Sluggo an ink pen!

Divorce and Service By Publication

Here's a nightmare scenario for you! What do you do if you want to divorce your worthless spouse, "Sluggo," but he has left town for parts unknown? Are you doomed to remain "Mrs. Sluggo" forever simply because you cannot find him and serve him with divorce papers?

Thankfully, Georgia law generally allows for service by publication in situations where Sluggo's whereabouts cannot be determined. But you still must jump through several hoops in order to convince the judge to issue an order allowing for service by publication in the local newspaper.

For instance, you must submit an affidavit to the court, (prepared for you by your divorce lawyer), showing that you have exercised due diligence, but you were unable to find good old Sluggo. For example, the judge will expect you to have contacted his last known employer, his neighbors, his relatives, or any friends you both know, along with perhaps conducting an online search for him.

This list is merely illustrative and you may think of other ways to show due diligence in trying to find your wayward spouse. You see, the judges just want to be sure that you have actually searched for Sluggo, and that he doesn't actually live across the street from you! Also, the judges want to see that you are not "trying to pull a fast one" by getting a divorce without giving Sluggo fair notice, (i.e. by the preferred way of personally serving him and giving him his day in court)!

So, do not despair if Sluggo has left you, for parts unknown, to see the world! You can still get a divorce through service by publication! And then, you can see the world, free as a bird!

Divorce and Dating: When Can You Start?

Let's assume you have lived with your worthless spouse, "Sluggo," for many years and now you are finally getting a divorce. You can't wait to get started on your new life and maybe meeting "Mr. Right!" When can you start dating again? Can you begin dating after your divorce attorney has filed your divorce documents?

In Georgia, the simple, unequivocal answer is: NO! NO! NO! You cannot, should not, must not begin dating or looking for Mr. Right until AFTER your divorce is final! Filing the documents begins the process; but it takes a final divorce decree to complete it.

Please consult with your divorce lawyer about this question, but, I can tell you that, in Georgia, dating and adultery can have dire consequences for you and your divorce! For example, adultery can operate as a bar to alimony. In addition, if you are engaged in a child custody battle, Sluggo's divorce attorney will probably try to spin evidence of your dating to attempt to show your unfitness as a custodial parent.

The bottom line is that, (at least in Georgia), you should NOT begin dating until AFTER your divorce is final! Look at it this way: You have put up with living with Sluggo for this long; so, surely you can manage not dating for just a little while longer, too!

The Goolsby Law Firm: And How I Got Here!

Have you ever noticed how life can involve a series of "coincidental" circumstances and that life can lead you to places you never before dreamed you would be? That's sort of what happened to me in my arrival here, two years ago, to practice law with my oldest son, at The Goolsby Law Firm in Augusta!

Two years ago, I was working happily as a federal prosecutor, here, in Augusta, Georgia. At that time, I still enjoyed the challenge of prosecuting major fraud and public corruption cases and, after twenty years as a federal prosecutor, I thought I would finish my career in that position. But then, the coincidences began occurring and, suddenly, my life and career began changing rapidly! But let me give you a little background information.

At that time, my oldest son had recently gotten out of law school and had just started practicing law in a small Augusta law firm under the tutelage of a more experienced Augusta attorney. All of a sudden, out of the blue, that attorney decided to move away from Augusta. (You see, she was probably dealing with her own series of life's coincidences!) She offered to sell her law practice to my son. As a family, we all wondered what he should do?

Simultaneously, out of the blue, the Department of Justice offered all career employees with 20 years of government service an "early out," with full retirement benefits and a bonus! I will never forget how I learned about this early retirement opportunity. Get the picture: I was sitting in the U.S. Attorney's Office and thinking about my son's situation, when I learned that our office had just won an appeal in a major public corruption case that I had tried and won. The case was against State Senator Charles Walker who had appealed his convictions on 127 felony counts. By winning the appeal, I knew I wouldn't have to try that case again! Sitting there, I was elated! While I was actually reading the appellate court decision on my office computer monitor, all of a sudden, an email also "popped up" on the same screen informing me about the early retirement opportunity. Coincidentally, I had also just passed the 20 year milestone.

That email, along with winning the appeal on my "career case," provided all the answers I needed! I decided, right then and there, to take up Uncle Sam on his generous "early out" offer, and to leave the U.S. Attorney's Office and buy in to the law practice with my son! The timing was perfect! I was thrilled! After all, how often does a parent have a chance to do something like this with their children?!

And after two years, I haven't looked back! I enjoy my new career and practicing law with my son! (Two more sons may also join us down the road!) I am also proud of the work done and the clients helped by The Goolsby Law Firm during the past two years! But I am still amazed at how a series of coincidences led me to where I am today! The career prosecutor is now a proud criminal defense lawyer and a divorce attorney! I never would have dreamed it!

Life is a series of coincidences! Or is it all coincidental?

Have you experienced a similar series of coincidences in your own life?!

Positive Parenting Through Divorce

Many states, including Georgia, now require divorcing parents with children to take a "children of divorce" course, which is generally a 4 hour class designed to help parents make good choices concerning their children. For example, such courses help parents know when and how to tell small children about the divorce.

The point here is that, even though you may travel a lot with your job, and even though it may be difficult for you to attend such a class, you are still going to have to do it, that is, if you want the judge to grant you a divorce! At least you aren't required to take the class with "Sluggo;" but you each must take it and then turn over the certificate of completion to your attorney.

Fortunately, there are a number of convenient locations, days, and times, in Augusta, Georgia, where you can take the class. For example, Life Management Group, located at 4210 Columbia Road, Suite 7A, (not far from The Goolsby Law Firm, LLC.), is one excellent place to take this class. (We will discuss what is offered in their course in a later blog post). Check them out at www.gaparent.com. Your divorce lawyer can also give you information about other class sites located conveniently near you.

Also, if you prefer, you can take the class online, at a time that is good for you, by simply going to: www.positiveparentingthroughdivorce.com.
But no matter whether you take the class online, or "on ground," your divorce attorney must receive the certificates of completion so that he or she can show the court that you have completed this requirement!

Don't you agree that taking a parenting class is a good idea, and also worth it, in order to get rid of your sorry spouse, "Sluggo?!"

Divorce and Child Abuse

Clearly, not all divorces involve child abuse. But just as clearly, child abuse and incest do occur and are problems which should not be ignored. Fortunately, here in Augusta, Georgia, resources exist to help address these serious problems. We have talked before in this divorce blog about the fine work done by Safe Homes of Augusta. Today, I just want to tell you a little bit about the fantastic work done for abused children by Child Enrichment and the Child Advocacy Center. (http://www.childenrichment.org/)

I am proud to be a part of the history of the Child Advocacy Center. When I was a young state prosecutor, here in Augusta, a group of us professionals who dealt with child abuse cases, (from DFACS, the local social services agency, juvenile court, the sheriff's department, and D.A.'s Office), realized that abused kids were not being well taken care of by the system. Kids were actually being interviewed, and probably scared to death, at the old jail. And a few child molestation cases were actually slipping through the cracks and not being prosecuted, due to lack of inter-agency communication! There were some inter-agency feuds and turf battles.

So, some of us got together and formed the Augusta Child Advocacy Center, whose goals were to provide a friendly, homelike setting where abused kids could be interviewed. (We worked hard, raised funds and got a house for this purpose). All the agencies also began meeting together and coordinating their efforts to help the kids. Also, we established a protocol for interviewing children which is now being used statewide. (Indeed, there are now child advocacy centers modeled after us located throughout the State of Georgia!) The center also provides free counseling for the kids and their family members. Since then, the Augusta Child Advocacy Center has merged with, and continues its fine work at, Child Enrichment.

I am proud to have been a co-founder and the first president of the Augusta Child Advocacy Center! And I tip my hat to our other incredible organizers: Janet, Anchell, Judy, Sheryl, Gary, Wayne, Thelma, David, Kathy, and so many others, who were all there in the beginning!

What resources exist in your community to help abused children? Have you ever considered volunteering to help in one of your community's charitable organizations? You will be glad you did!

Divorce Lawyers Need A Hug, Too!

It is no wonder that many of the lawyers I talk with here in Augusta, Georgia would not be caught dead handling divorce cases! I'll bet it's no different where you are, too! Practicing family law is just too stressful, according to many of my lawyer friends. Divorce is stressful for you, the client, but the point is that you should also understand it can be stressful for your divorce attorney, too!

Divorce attorneys generally attempt not to get too involved, emotionally, in your child custody issues and other divorce matters, (so that they can exercise the independent judgment that you need), but, frankly, such emotional detachment can be difficult to maintain. After all, lawyers are human, too, you know! And even if it's not the attorney's fault, for example, if the judge issues an order allowing unsupervised child visitation by your worthless spouse, "Sluggo," your attorney may still feel badly about it, too!

And dealing with the lawyer or their client, "Sluggo," on the other side, can also be a source of intense stress, as your lawyer fights hard to represent your interests in the divorce case. I've often teased that I face more physical danger as a divorce lawyer than I ever did before as a federal prosecutor!

In my opinion, of the best divorce attorneys I know, it takes a special kind of lawyer who is willing to fight hard in a contested divorce and yet can endure the stress that goes with it.

In conclusion, while there may be no great tips here, in this post, about how to win your divorce case, please simply take a moment and consider that your divorce lawyers are going through the stress of your divorce with you. So, hug a divorce lawyer today!